As I was laying in bed, I just finished reading Osamu Dazai's 1948 Japanese novel, No longer human. I tried to contemplate and think through the pages which are written on a first person narrative. It's quite compelling to read and interesting to follow the poignant life of a troubled man named Oba Yozo. Written on the pages of notebooks he left like a memoranda, As in his own words, "‘I can’t even guess myself what it must be to live a life of a human being," he often contemplates about what it means to be "human." I find the book distressing yet quite fascinating at the same time.
It tells his story as to what he had gone through in his childhood days masking his life until it all went down spiraling before him during adulthood. Nevertheless, some of his troubles were written not in a way of romanticism of grief but a narration of seemingly normal life incapable of understanding humans. I can't help but feel a sympathy towards his narratives, maybe because as a human we are capable of sadness too, feel of guilt and unhappiness. An excerpt says "Unhappy people are sensitive to the unhappiness of others." We seldom think we are humans who are rational beings. But in truth, we are emotional humans trying to be logical at times. I guess he concluded that the meaning of no longer human is being "Disqualified" He has clowning himself in front of others to blend in and to not upset everyone for years and ended up having a feeling of alienation and even thoughts of suicide. Searching about the book, I felt interested to the author himself. Learning he also had other written works that reflected his own perspective and alienation. Somehow, this book gave a window as to what is going inside other people's wretched mind. I also tried to watch the anime version after reading. The Japanese anime version is called Blue Literature series, I never finished it. In many ways, the story of Oba Yozo tries to reflect one man's willingness to mask everything outside in order to feel human at all.
