Some days I spend most of the hours of my day scrolling through instagram. I prevented myself from following certain artists, famous people etc. because just like somebody else, I'm afraid to feel insecure that I filter those I want to follow.
Nowadays, when we talk about insecurities, we seldom thought about our body and physical appearance. But there are a lot of different types of insecurities (intellectual or career, financial, relationship etc.) these things can be observed through other people's instagram posts and stories. People nowadays post to share that they're having a good time, but the essence of being true and unique to oneself is gone. Everyone follows the same trend, same style or feed and yet felt tired, alone, lost and unhappy in their lives. It's funny how you can post a picture of a food you had during last new year's eve and someone could craved right away about what you've posted. Sometimes I look at my instagram and I feel the urge to deactivate. I can't even count how many times I attempted and finally deleted an instagram account.I know people like to share some things they love. It's about those little moments we cherished that really matters to us. If you want to know a person, you'll go to their profile, scan their posts about family, movies they've watched, books they read, places they visited etc. It's so easy to make an opinion or thought about someone else's life. Some days I want to document my life. Record those little moments because I don't want to forget about those things in the future. I want to have a document of all the things I admire, I've gained or lost etc. Moments we can never get back and that we can only remember. But also, I don't want to lose the essence of time or the present moment.
Back in 2019, I deleted my facebook. I could say that, It is the most rewarding thing in my life. I used to get updates about my college colleagues or classmates after our graduation, I saw updates about their life. Somehow I felt being left out, I thought maybe I was wrong to take gap year while everyone else are pursuing further education. I seldom compare myself to others, stalk some people from my past relationship, etc. But now 4 years off from facebook and I never felt happier and healthier in my life. Still, I am in the process of building a habit of discipline when it comes to social media. Because as much as I want to have boundaries, I still want to share some things I love through healthier ways.
Speaking of social media, it triggers a lot of our insecurities. As for me, I grew up with skin insecurities. I seldom feel ashamed of my skin when taking pictures even with friends. Even now that I'm 25, I still feel shy when taking pictures or even to be stared at while talking. I remember back when I was in High school, some random classmate asked me "bakit ang dami mong pimples?." That I can't even answer. I don't know if people are aware about the 10 seconds rule which my sister taught me. It says, whenever you feel the need to comment on someone's appearance, consider if they can address the problem in less than 10 seconds. For instance, when you want to point out someone's tooth for having a chocolate, if they can even remove that problem in less than 10 seconds, then I guess it was worth pointing out. It can save someone from being hurt.
Once when I was in college, I felt beautiful applying a makeup while on a beach. I wore a red dress and a sunglasses and I feel the need to make the photo as a profile. The makeup somehow hide all my acne and I feel validated for all the "like" reactions in my facebook profile. When I went to school, a classmate reminded everyone about that profile update I've made in the facebook. He said "Ang kinis mo doon ah, ano yan BB cream?.." and everyone laughed. I feel upset about it. I wonder what I did wrong to have him commenting like that. Am I not enough? Is there something wrong with me?
When I went home, I took down the profile picture and since then, whenever I post a picture I made sure that my face is somehow hidden. It could be a silhouette, a photo of me turned away facing a view (ocean, mountain etc.) anything that could keep someone else's comments away from my face. Later on, I realized that he felt insecure about having a darker complexion. Everyone is bullying him for having a tanned skin. I somehow felt sad for him too. Sometimes, people try to find fault in others as a reflection of the insecurities they have within themselves. I learned that the critical you are with others, the more that you're critical with yourself. It becomes a cycle.
I always believe that it's important that we're not selfish for compliments. It brings out the best in people in ways we cannot imagine. A simple compliment can boost a person's self-esteem or It could make someone else's day. As much as we normalize to never be afraid speaking for the truth, we also need to be aware of how important it is to appreciate people. To make people feel seen or validated more than in virtual world.
