01
Yesterday, I stroll around the streets of Escolta and Ongpin. As I ride at the back of an old tricycle going to the Lucky Chinatown mall and seeing lots of Chinese arcs and the big dome shaped Binondo Church, I remember lots of fond memories while growing up. We used to have our family's old office in Escolta. When the pandemic happened, we are forced to leave our office behind and moved the office back into our home, when the term "work from home" started.
The last time I got to visit our office was when my Lola Ebang was alive, when we get to celebrate my sister's 18th birthday. After that, The COVID-19 happened. Our office is now closed and vacant for new occupants, every time I passed there, I somehow feel sad. I remember eight years of our lives with our office in Binondo. I remember the first time My mom decided to paint its interiors with yellow paint. "it's lucky." She used to say. Ever since, the colors of the interiors hadn't change. If only the walls of our office could speak and tell its sentiments too.
I remember a Chinese elder living alone at the first floor of the building who used to visit our office and leave some tips about what's "lucky" for our business and what's not. My mom used to have a chat with her. I remember how we used to celebrate random birthdays in our office. Every year, we used to have family gatherings spent with other relatives. When I was young and we used to live in Cavite, my parents would leave early to commute going to manila. some days when I don't have classes, I always wanted to go with them to our office because "Binondo" is the only manila place I could go to. The only "manila" place I knew. Just like any other younger kids from a small town excited to explore the city. When I was in college, after school I always visit and stayed there until the end of office hours. Some days, we will go to Polland, buy some Chinese deli for Christmas day or just a typical day to buy Mantou and Hopia. There's a lot of things associated with that place, some things I'll never forget.
02
My boyfriend visits during weekends. Every time he visits, we'll stroll around at night in our neighborhood having food trips, watch movies or go to random arcades and bookstores. Some days, I spent hours scanning and reading through the pages of random books while he patiently waits. Sometimes I look at him and wonder if there's an alternative universe out there in which I didn't replied to his message in the middle of that night on November 7th. I wonder what would it be if we haven't met. If that's the case, otherwise I'm so lucky to be in this kind of universe. A few more days before his birthday and I still struggle on what gift to buy. Ugh. I'm so not good at this.
03
Interestingly, our exam ended up a few hours ago. I had a little break and watched The Call to Courage with Brene Brown. It was an inspiring message to never be afraid to show vulnerability. she shared an inspiring quote from Theodore Roosevelt in 1910 that goes:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
She talks about being courageous enough to show up even when you're not sure of the outcome. Some people took longer to step foot on the arena, some don't even bother. If you're brave enough to step foot and make a leap of faith on something so precious, Always know that when you're in the Arena, you will get kicked out in the ass again and again and again. But there's an increasing number of people in the world today that are not willing to take that risk, they'd rather not to know love, grief or defeat and that is a huge price to pay.
Also in life, we seldom chase for extraordinary moments that we forget about the ordinary, small things that brings details of important moments in our lives. I remember my mom, how she used to ask me "why are you sad? Why are you always grumpy?." Every time she would ask me about this when I arrived from school, I feel irritated and I would took shower to just go upstairs and study again. But then, when she became so busy with some stuff and stayed longer in our province than in our house, I miss hearing those questions from her after a long tiring day at school. That feeling when someone really cares and who will ask me how my day went.
