01
I'm not feeling well tonight. I just felt weak and I decided to use a benztdamine spray to soothe the pain in my throat caused by cold. I can't sleep even when I played Ruby by Foster the people. I even watched Based on a true story and finished three episodes already. I did try reading for a bit, but I have not yet been visited by sleepiness that I decided to just write an entry for this blog:
02
These past few days, I'm so overwhelmed with lots of stuff that I resorted again to what I used to do when I don't feel like being seen. I deactivated my social media accounts and went into hiding like a fugitive. Well, I'm a happy and contented type of fugitive tho. Nowadays when you go into MIA in the social world, people would assume there's something wrong. But I just like to be alone sometimes, some days after school I would date myself on coffee shops, bookstore and go somewhere I could enjoy a solitude of my own. It feels liberating. But it doesn't mean I'm always in my best self. Sometimes, I would feel sad. I'm not even sure if it's just hormones just like what other girls had to experience monthly or I'm just burnout.
03
One day, I overheard You'll be safe here by Rico Blanco played from the radio which made me reminisce some childhood days in Bicol. Sometimes you'll hear your childhood in a particular song, a taste of food, a smell of perfume, something that could make you feel a sense of deja vu.
I remember one particular night in the province, where seven o'clock is already a time to sleep for kids. But just before bedtime, we laid down in a long brown mat made of anahaw, almost similar to the style of a fan made Abaniko. We used to watch Spirits, a local filipino show with the same soundtrack in a small, old television set with antenna. Other kids would gather in our balcony, they would peek in our long shutter window made out of wood. Back in the day, you're lucky enough to afford a small television set even with only one channel station. Some elders and kids would visit our house to watch TV.
I remember a lot of fond memories from my childhood in the province. How I used to play with other kids even when a giant full moon is visible in night sky while adults are at ease having conversations outside. How my childhood friends taught me to do little bracelets made out of red santan flowers by dissecting each flowers and removing the juicy needle-like structure inside, connecting each of them like a centipede. After that, we will look for small sack of junk foods and place the santan flowers like a strap around each side of the small sack and pretend to have a mini kikay bag. At the school, all of the students (which are also some of the kids in my neighborhood) played hide and seek after gardening and pulling bunch of weeds while others help to do cleaning and outdoor chores before we can all go home from school.
When I left our province and went to live in the city, me and my childhood friends grew apart and each time I go back to see them, things aren't the same anymore. But it's still the place where time doesn't move forward when it's supposed to, where memories stuck in my head, I truly feel a sense of belonging.
